Online Dating- A Bell Jar?

 

“The idea of putting ourselves out there consistently makes us feel vulnerable, not empowered, or that we’re moving ahead with the times. Not being able to find matches, not knowing how to keep up with the mainstream generation, or even oneself makes online dating less an allure, and more a challenge.”

Too short? Left. Too tall? Left. Too skinny? Left. Too narcissistic? Left. Too cliché? Left. Doesn’t like Taylor Swift??? LEFTTTT. The swiping spree has become the talk of the town and it’s 2021, if you’re not swiping left and right already, what are you even doing?

Although considered a fairly new-age concept in India, dating apps have found a permanent home in the app libraries of many out there. And it is the failed attempt at novelty that intrigues me the most. Why do you ask? Look at the foundations the app is built upon, you check out a person’s profile (blueprint would be the more appropriate choice of word) and are expected to sneak a peek into their soul. The blueprint is nothing but their likes/dislikes, education, physical traits, a pantomime take at the descriptive prompts, and a few pictures which let’s be honest, actually make or break the deal. Yes, it is relatively more convenient and less embarrassing than your parents doing the matchmaking, but the paraphernalia to do it remains rather unvaried, and THAT is the problem. Allow me to introduce the theory of “Bumble Goggles” (brought to you all AND me by that one, sweet Bumble match of mine. Truly grateful). So, when we register ourselves on these apps, the immanent thought we all move ahead with is “I’m going to be open, and I won’t be judgemental of others”, right? But soon after the swiping spree begins, we inadvertently put on these goggles, let our subconscious superciliously catalog others, and place them in comfort checklists through the lenses we choose to look at them, and through which we strip ourselves of a potentially great match.

With the number of said “potentially exceptional matches” already getting plateaued because of the aforementioned theory, the next challenge in the world of online dating presents itself in the form of those dreadful prompts. Even though we’ve lived more than 18 fulfilling years, touting ourselves using these prompts puts an ixnay to our thoughts. “Who am I? What is my idea of fun? Wait, am I even fun? What should I open with? Will they like me? Will they swipe right? Am I being too much, too little? Let’s just put “The Office” in my bio so I’m mainstream enough to be considered cool.” The idea of putting ourselves out there consistently makes us feel vulnerable, not empowered, or that we’re moving ahead with the times. Also arrant apologies, I believe in The Office supremacy, that was just a harmless joke. THE POINT is while these descriptive prompts become a canvas for some, for many out there, they loosely translate to anxiety and foster only self-doubt at the best. Not being able to find matches, not knowing how to keep up with the mainstream generation, or even oneself makes online dating less an allure, and more a challenge.

I understand being in 2021, being a part of the COVID era, our options are anyways limited, and when love, lust, and all things in between come calling, Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder become our “bumping into random strangers at the cafe, library or party”. It’s certainly not easy. Neither was it easy hitting up on that cute girl sitting across from you at the bar, nor is it easy replying to one’s story on Instagram, or finding the correct opening line on Bumble. It is an equitable mess that all of us have found ourselves in, and are trying to find a good time and company in. But it’s also important to understand humans aren’t algorithms, we can’t let ourselves and our minds be chained to such restrictive apps because we want a date for this Saturday’s party. You can’t know a life’s worth of emotions, stories, attributes, jokes, etc… through a 5.5-inch rectangular screen. People are worth more effort than that. Having multiple dating methods shouldn’t be shied away from, we should learn to have the courage to act on our desires or impulses as they surface, be it in the grocery store, the museum, the metro, or even in the office (literally). 

Yes, I don’t expect to let this small opinion of mine guide your actions, choices, likes, or dislikes, but what I do hope this does is ignite contemplation, a meaningful conversation about love, exploration, and the world of dating. 

Thank you, and stay tuned for more. Until then, if not before.

-Vidushi Sinha

(Student and Author)